Holes of Change

Visiting the Inchelium church or Young Disciple Ministries has a hole now- Cheyenne is gone. 

Sabbath School class is so small- my best friend, her brothers, and Jefferson are all off pursuing an education or their careers. Their absence leaves holes.

Seeing the for sale sign at the end of the driveway leaves an incredible hole. This is my home; no other place will fulfill this hole for years to come.

This is my last month to be a student at my college- I’m graduating. I’m going to miss my teachers, a lot. Another hole.

When I see her suffering, someone I love and can’t seem to help, I feel the biggest hole of all.

There’s a lot of change that has happened in the last year. My life seems to be quite incredibly holey. Nothing and no one has entered into my life to bring me any new joys to make up for the losses. I find myself often at the crossroads, often at the uneasy edge of the nest where I see I’ll soon have to fly on my own. 

Despite the ugly sensations of experiencing changes and holes, I know of remedy. There is One who longs to fill every hole in my life and make every change fit into His plan. I have the choice to allow the holes to be filled with Christ’s presence in my life. I can choose to let Him lift my spirits, guide my tired feet, cheer my lonely heart, and give peace for the situations I cannot reverse. 

From holey to holy;

It’s as simple as a choice.

And the result is beautiful.

Always

While reading of Job’s deep depression, recently, I was struck by an encouragement. Satan was the one causing Job’s distress and discouragement; God was simply allowing His servant this experience to show the universe that Job was dedicated to Him. If this depression was the result of the devil’s actions and was yet overseen by our kind Father, surely no less occurs today. Depression and discouragement doesn’t result from the hand of the Lord. The same as in the days of old occurs today— God is allowing us to be tested.

Imagine if Job had known the source of his trial—would he have not stood firmly from the beginning? If he had but understood that God meant him nothing but well, would he not have been a different man under trial?

No less today, for we know from history’s record. Surely we should not be cast down.

This revelation of the trials allowed in our lives has been an encouragement to me in these days where the devil has been striking in my very home. Although there is weeping, heartache, and concern for the future, I have been revived in faith through God’s Holy Word.

In the time of trial, Lo I am with thee

In hour of crisis, Lo I am with thee

In the moment of agony, Lo I am with thee

Lo I am with thee… Always. Forever and always, God is with us. He is my beginning – He will be my end. Through this bitterness of trial, God is with me. He is with us.

“For the Lord will not cast off forever.
Though He causes grief, 
Yet He will show compassion According to the multitude of His mercies. 
For He does not afflict willingly, 
Nor grieve the children of men.” Lamentations 3:31-33

Though I feel the lamentations of Jeremiah keenly, Lo I am with thee always.

I can’t see the end, but I rest assured that through even this experience, though not as great as Job’s, God wants to show His servants faithful to Him to the entire universe.

The Great I AM is refining. Until perfection and beyond—

always.

 (photo: web)

Social Safeguards

I read something interesting a while ago about the things that get shared publicly. While I don’t recall where exactly I read it, or for that matter how exactly it was said, it has stuck with me.

The things girls once wrote in their diaries they now write on Facebook.

I am a Facebook user because I enjoy keeping up to date with those I know. However, since pondering this idea, I’ve constantly been filtering exactly what to share or not to share. Not infrequently I have written a status update, one of those brilliant things that comes to mind, and then I rewrite it a couple more times to make it just right; but I don’t post most of these thoughts. Instead of hitting “share”, I open my desk drawer, remove my journal from its place on the right side, take up a pen, and then proceed to carefully copy this idea off of my computer screen onto the pages open before me.

Journaling is an integral part of my daily life. Since eight years of age I’ve been writing things down. For over six years I’ve daily written in my journals. There is nothing like pulling out an old diary, leafing through the pages, smiling at humorous events and silently reading how my life has grown from my past. Each entry is a landmark in my life— a visible token of handwritten memories that I will never forget; precious object lessons; my life.

Social networking, while nifty for life in the present and possibly the future, will never hold the old charm of a well-worn page, speckled with tears or marks of happiness. Some positive memories can be made, perhaps through a shared photo or sisterly message. However, I’m continually disheartened to see countless young girls naively flaunting their sacred hopes and dreams for all.  Sharing ones heart is becoming all too easy – is it any wonder that we, the generation of the post-modern world, live in so much strife, discord, and heartache? Sharing our personal aspirations can be wholesome and positive –something the world can cheer us on for. Even disclosing certain burdens or struggles can result in encouragement from friends. However, take care, take care.

Guard that which was once cherished by our society, protected by families, and kept sacred for those closest to ones own heart.  Filter your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Do this for yourself, to protect yourself. Do this for other, to protect our eyes, ears, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Do not think that everyone wants to read your personal journal. What is sacred and honored for an individual is not something everyone else wants to be immersed with. With this concept of protecting one another, the Golden Rule may be applied. Shrugging this idea off isn’t going to change our generation. Be accountable, be responsible, be an encouragement. You are your brother’s keeper. You are your sister’s keeper.

If you struggle with sharing things that you believe might be best kept as personal aspirations, hopes, dreams, struggles, and so forth, I encourage you to start a journal. Filling pages with your life is very rewarding. You don’t have to be as dedicated as I try to be, but I believe you will be just as happy as I am when you go over the things you’ve written in the past and see how you have changed. I challenge you, my friends: Let’s write in our journal the things we once wrote on Facebook.

The New Story

Which have I changed my mind about more often since I’ve been in college—potential majors or colleges? I think I’m still good for a few more changes of colleges. However, recently I’ve conversed with people from two of the top candidate schools of my choice and have been reading from Education concerning the real training I need to receive in my education. After GYC in Houston three months ago, I decided that I would cross off Washington state universities and focus on Seventh-day Adventist schools. I had struggled with this decision for quite a while before laying it on the alter, but I’ve had no second thoughts about it, despite urges to reconsider from different influential adults in my life for cost and transferability sake.

I think everyone that knows me recalls me going back and forth with indecision. Lately I’ve struggled with decision changing. There are times I’ve been decided but then that decision has been subject to change according to where I feel God leading me. Last summer all that separated me from Weimar College was stepping foot onto the airplane I’d booked; except a bit more than a plane ride separated me from that choice. That was a time of indecision, but I felt God’s call to staying home one more year. With this mission nearly completed, once again I have investigated my options. When I started again, after GYC, I found the perfect sounding major. I am excited about it: B.S. Medical Laboratory Science with all my medical school pre-reqs and a working degree at the end of 4 years of blissful science and clinicals. At this point in my life I am moving forward towards that degree.

            But, I can get this degree from four different SDA universities. Okay, my best friend goes to Southern. A few emails, talks with Deborah, further research into the degree and I have moved my entrance date for attending Southern to next fall. “Wait, keep praying”. God laid it on my heart to examine my attitude towards the school I was accepted into last fall. Up until about 4 weeks ago I have negated nearly every statement my mom had made about that school. Thoughts came to me: What if I could do a year there to experience a school closely patterning itself after Ellen White’s blueprint for our schools and after the Biblical school of the prophets?

            And then my spring break came the end of March and we traveled back to California to spend time with Tanner and enjoy ten days away from de-winterizing North East Washington. You know Tanner- my brother the senior Theology student at Weimar College. I don’t even need to talk about what happened there. You can guess. I saw once again the Christ-centered, mentoring environment of a school following Biblical counsel. Here there weren’t any Easter pageants or pierced students. Rather, I felt at home. I even ventured into the girls’ dorm with my cousin Ariel to see how tolerable the rooms where. They were way better than I remember them being (almost 4 years since I’d been in one there).

            Finally, the last day of my parents and my visit, I met with Dr. Jackson and we went over the possibility of my degree plan and Weimar working. And to say it simply, it does. And… It is going to. My application from last year is still valid and I’m accepted as a student for this fall. I know God will bless this coming year and show me the real direction my life is needs to go. I’m not going to plan any further on this blog post because you know me.

            I want my choices to reflect the values I have on my life and my endeavors to be more like Christ. I want to be in an environment that will encourage me. While I’m at this point planning on one year at Weimar, I want to make this year really count and experience the experiences to be had there, enjoy a semester with my brother and hopefully a year with my cousin Ariel, and experience the academic and spiritual highs of a new school with like-minded friends and mentors.

            That’s the new story; it continues to unfold. I continue to surprise myself by seeing that God is asking me to change. Through this process of growing up I’m learning more about who I am, what I stand for, and where I’m going. I covet your prayers as I move forward with this decision, plan my academic year, and prepare for a new adventure. Until next time. 

To Be Faithful to Exalt

Once again I approach my concluding final for a quarter of college. As I’m advancing into my last hours of studying, I have been pondering how I can truly allow God to work into my heart genuine unselfishness concerning the gift of wisdom I am striving to perfect. I have an earnest desire to cultivate the talent of a willing mind to work hard towards an education for God’s service. In the past God has performed may miracles concerning my scholastic abilities; He’s taken me from claiming stupidity over high school failures to acing the most difficult classes at my college. As I anticipate finishing my second to last quarter of my Associate of Arts degree, I am realizing my need of total, sincere dedication of my efforts to the glory of God. I admit there are times I’m tempted to say I’ve done well in my education, but, I keep realizing more and more that it is God has done nothing short of making me who I am.  College pre-calculus is drawing to a close –thankfully– but this is a subject I do not feel a natural affinity towards, knowing my past history of test anxiety. By God’s grace I’ll do my best. Whatever I get will be to His glory and His honor, and my score will not have been achieved by my ability to handle pressured emotions that make me forget what I know but by the mercy of a God Who knows how much stress I can stand and won’t push me any further. My prayer this evening that heralds the finale of my math anxieties for the year is that God will fill me with an unselfish desire to do nothing less than what He desires.

To parallel these evening musings, I want to share two inspired messages that reinforce my desire to give all honor to God:

• “Man cannot show greater weakness than by allowing men to ascribe to him the honor for gifts that are Heaven-bestowed. The true Christian will make God first and last and best in everything. No ambitious motives will chill his love for God; steadily, perseveringly, will he cause honor to redound to his heavenly Father. It is when we are faithful in exalting the name of God that our impulses are under divine supervision, and we are enabled to develop spiritual and intellectual power.” – Prophets and Kings page 68.3

• “Thus saith the Lord, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: but let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth Me, that I am the Lord which exercise loving-kindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord.”  – Jeremiah 9:23, 24.

            Tomorrow is the day. It's my desire to exalt the name of the Lord that I may glorify Him in the wisdom He provides! I hereby state that I am proud to claim the God of David and Solomon as the God that has infinite wisdom for all that desire intellectual power. What a privilege it is to come to Him for help in the matter of my education. I hope to be faithful in full exaltation to the name of the Lord Who has done a wondrous work in me.

Welcome To My Oven

I'm someone that never tires of pulling out the mixing bowl, opening the fridge door, searching for ingredients, and spending all afternoon pulling delectable dishes (although more often sweet tidbits) out of the oven. After studying, I honestly love cooking as favorite hobby. Not only is cooking rewarding to the taste buds, it's very fulfilling to watch others enjoy the things you put love and energy into making.
The purpose of this somewhat unique blog post is to share a visual representation of some of the things in my family's kitchen, made by yours truly, during the month of January. Granted, I don't carry my camera around with me all the time, so this is just a highlight of some of the things I turned out. (I had quite a bit of "extra" time in January, hence baking and then taking pictures of what I made)

Plain and Onion-Sea Salt-Poppy Seed Bagels (extra brown for optimum toasty flavor) (that wasn't opium tasty flavor ;-) )

How about Cinnamon-Sugar?

Sunday morning Scones :-)

I'm not a fan of chocolate or carob (yay for me and for you since all of you get more that way), however, there are times I hanker for both. So, when I know I need to be healthy (that actually is how I feel all the time, but I sometimes am stubborn and rebellious) I make these amazing carob muffins. (I'll stop interrupting each sentence with side commentaries [consider them to be my thought bubbles- and for those of you that know me, you know that I insert ideas mid-sentence all the time])

I know these two photos are very much the same, but I had to share two because this way you'll ask for the recipe because you see twice as much goodness on this blog page.




I realize that these are pictures of exclusively baked sweet and savory things and metal objects (okay, there was one wood item on here). I am never as wowed by savory food as I am by sweet things. Once I feel like dragging my DSLR upstairs while I'm cooking soup or making a casserole, I'll dedicate another blog post to my friends food and fotography. :-D (I had to get some alliteration in there for my literature and grammar friends)
I may not know how to play soccer as well as the average American female growing up in the last twenty+ years, but I bet I can cook more than most of those soccer players. My mom always nit-picks on girls in the high schools that can play sports but can't cook when they get married, or on the college graduate wives that can't cook for their husbands on HGTV (home and garden improvement channel). I can cook so there. I could care less about you soccer ball, give me baseball, please. That's besides the point, though. Cooking is a lot of fun, and I get a lot of enjoyment out of. Having a relaxing activity (except for multiple boiling pots of water and noodles etc.) is a really nifty thing to have in life. Thanks for checking in on this posting. I've had fun taking pictures of some of my food. Hopefully I'll get some more good ones here sometime.
And I know, this wasn't how to cook 101 (deceiving title, but it looks really neat!), but it is a little taste of what can happen when you start cooking. The title of my blog post is the main theme -- Welcome to My Oven. This is what I do; maybe you can think about sharing what you do. Cooking is grand. We all live off of it, we all enjoy it, and we all like seeing tasty things (no, we all like eating tasty things!). Not to dwell on the stomach or taste buds unnecessarily here, rather, it's the things you can do with cooking that should be emphasized. I think it's a great tool to help other with. How often do you make something for a family member- don't they love it (if it is good :) )? Even if it isn't great, the effort and care that goes into the action means a lot. So, pull out your mixing bowls, measuring cups, ingredients -- see what you can do to bring a smile to your loved ones' faces!

February Snapshots

I can't let February go by without a post. Especially since today is Leap Day! How special is that? In honor of this day to make up for that extra 1/4 day each year of 365 days, I'm posting a couple of this month's photos. It's been a snowy month - beautiful! And it's been busy for me. I am planning on blogging more when I have time. But for now, do enjoy a snapshot of February. I must now return to studying Cultural Anthropology (italicized to show my disdain for it! :) ), because I have a big quiz in it tomorrow. Happy Leap Day!

Isn't the view from my house spectacular?

Snow on our deck.

Cayce and I pose for a sledding-snow afternoon photo (Feb 26)

Matthew Shaffer and Cayce rolling a snowball down the hill.

Sabbath, February 11 with Silke at my house

Two of my best friends, Emily and Melissa, spent the weekend (Feb. 17-19)